Before you read this, know that I have been praying for you...
The words you are about to read are ones that were placed on my heart for somebody, somewhere and I have no idea who you are. This "moment of selah" was one that I experienced earlier this week. It was something so intimate and personal, I debated even writing about it. Yet, this morning, the Spirit moved and this post was already written in my head before I even sat here to write a word. Whoever you are, I hope you feel His love through these words...
I am an avid "blurker" of thebump.com. It is one of those "mom" type sites where you get to write about all those wonderful and yet awkward things those husbands really don't know about or want to know about...like mucus plugs and breastfeeding... :) This week, I was reading the story of a woman named Stacy who, initially was just celebrating the birth of her daughter. I stumbled upon her blog and realized that her journey began much earlier than the day her little girl was born...
Linky: sgirl79.blogspot.com
This whole site is devoted to her journey since she discovered there was something terribly wrong with her first pregnancy, baby boy Isaac. He had some trisomomies and abnormalities that would have made him either pass away while in utero, or shortly after birth. Her doctors urged her to terminate the pregnancy, but she could not do it...she could not limit God.
At the end of each post she would lift up a request to each of her readers, asking that God would miraculously intervene in the pregnancy and cure Isaac of his medical issues. Her doctors were baffled as to why she continued the pregnancy. One specialist even stated that out of all pregnancies he had seen with this medical issue, only 3 others decided to continue. She, together with her husband decided not to put their God in a box and continue with this precarious situation. The doctors warned them that, at best, they would have hours, maybe minutes with their child.
As I continued reading, I observed little miracles throughout her story. A lump on the back of Isaac's neck began to diminish, different little blessings along the way. As I read, I began to have hope for Stacy and for Isaac for a happy ending, even though I knew otherwise...
I then reached the part of the story where Isaac passes away...I had to stop reading. Even though I did not know this woman personally, I was so filled with anger at God for her situation. This woman had faith that God would do a miraculous work in her son. Instead, he was taken away from her. I couldn't imagine having a pregnancy like that. Having the strength and faith to trust in God, knowing that you may never even get to have a life with this baby at all. Pregnancy by itself is such a trying and emotional time, but to carry a child you may never even get to see grow up and knowing that truth rocked my world. Then, God brought me back to the true message of her blog...
Sixteen minutes. That's all she had with her little boy...just sixteen minutes. Instead of filling those minutes with sadness and tears, she and her husband embraced every minute they had, filling it with kisses, cuddles and pictures of their new little family, no matter how long they had it. They took hold of every second to celebrate God's gift, even though they knew he would not be with them for long.
The reason I share this with anyone who reads is to let you know we don't hold the next hour. We don't hold the next half hour...we don't even hold the next sixteen minutes. Our lives are an orchestration of the Father's hand, and even though little Isaac was here for such a short time, the inumeral amount of lives he has touched through his mother's faith and trust in God's leading is incredible. Instead of allowing ourselves to be wrapped up in the sadness and darkness of moments, we have to push through and see how God is going to use this moment for His glory, allowing Him to love us through it; not use it as an opportunity to push His love away.
I don't know if my words will make sense. Maybe it's better for you to read Stacy's journey in her own words. I just know that it is a powerful woman of God who continues to be faithful in such a mighty way. It's the kind of woman of faith I want to be. It's also an encouragement to me to continue living every moment I have with those I love, regardless of what the next moment holds.
Please know that you are loved today and that, good or bad, each day and each moment holds it's own purpose.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Faith and Flipping Toddlers
There is a moment in a mothers life when she finds herself scared to death for approximately 2.4 milliseconds...give or take a few.
If you have ever spent time around my husband and son when their playtime is at it's peak, you will generally see my toddler being fliped through the air, bounced off of couches, held upside down, and all other manner of insanity...now before you finish dialing the number for CPS, stop and listen for a moment. Listen for my son's belly-aching-explosion of giggledrops as he runs to his daddy and lifts his arms as if to say, "Again!!"
As a mother, I have to close my eyes sometimes while they play. It's so hard for me to trust; trust that my husband will not drop him at some crucial moment of acrobatics, or that my son, the most precious thing in the world, will not get scared and flip out in a way that their playtimes would hurt him. Sometimes, in the ways he gets tossed around, it is his absolute, reckless abandon and trust of his daddy that makes it fun and keeps him safe. This is what keeps them playing and moving as one single unit.
Our pastor today told a similar story of a little girl and her daddy. He placed her on a ledge and told her to jump into his arms. She did it every time without fail. Giggling and laughing, she would keep jumping over and over again, knowing he would catch her every time.
It amazes me the reckless abandon our children have for us. The limits to which they trust our love and responsibility for their little lives...My son has never once shown fear that his father would not catch him. He has never once asked me if he should be eating the food I serve or playing with the toys I give him. It makes me wonder if I am really putting that same kind of trust in the Heavenly Father. If he places me on a "ledge" in my life, will I just run and jump, knowing not only that he will catch me, but also that we will have a blast along the way? If the Lord were to allow me to be tossed around, would I relax and enjoy the ride or would I flip out because I am not in control?
Sometimes He tells us to jump and we refuse because we cannot, in our adult minds, wrap ourselves around the end result. He reminds us that He is there to catch us, that He has created this life for us to experience Him and enjoy it and all we can do is live in fear.
Pura Vida. Pure Life. Live a life not in fear of falling, but in the joy of living it to the fullest.
If you have ever spent time around my husband and son when their playtime is at it's peak, you will generally see my toddler being fliped through the air, bounced off of couches, held upside down, and all other manner of insanity...now before you finish dialing the number for CPS, stop and listen for a moment. Listen for my son's belly-aching-explosion of giggledrops as he runs to his daddy and lifts his arms as if to say, "Again!!"
As a mother, I have to close my eyes sometimes while they play. It's so hard for me to trust; trust that my husband will not drop him at some crucial moment of acrobatics, or that my son, the most precious thing in the world, will not get scared and flip out in a way that their playtimes would hurt him. Sometimes, in the ways he gets tossed around, it is his absolute, reckless abandon and trust of his daddy that makes it fun and keeps him safe. This is what keeps them playing and moving as one single unit.
Our pastor today told a similar story of a little girl and her daddy. He placed her on a ledge and told her to jump into his arms. She did it every time without fail. Giggling and laughing, she would keep jumping over and over again, knowing he would catch her every time.
It amazes me the reckless abandon our children have for us. The limits to which they trust our love and responsibility for their little lives...My son has never once shown fear that his father would not catch him. He has never once asked me if he should be eating the food I serve or playing with the toys I give him. It makes me wonder if I am really putting that same kind of trust in the Heavenly Father. If he places me on a "ledge" in my life, will I just run and jump, knowing not only that he will catch me, but also that we will have a blast along the way? If the Lord were to allow me to be tossed around, would I relax and enjoy the ride or would I flip out because I am not in control?
Sometimes He tells us to jump and we refuse because we cannot, in our adult minds, wrap ourselves around the end result. He reminds us that He is there to catch us, that He has created this life for us to experience Him and enjoy it and all we can do is live in fear.
Pura Vida. Pure Life. Live a life not in fear of falling, but in the joy of living it to the fullest.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
My Toddler is Profound
It never fails to amaze me how God continues to speak to me through those in my life. Sometimes when things are dark all around me, He pops these rays of sunshine known as loved ones in to remind me He's there, even when it's too painful to look for him. If my face is downcast, He gently tips it up, wipes my tears and shows me He is there...
In my last post, I shared how my life has been crazy and I have had a tough time finding my own identity again. It has made me realize I need to take moments to stop...just stand still, and the world, spinning a million miles a minute, slows down eventually too. I had just one of these moments...
In my new career, I have a very important presentation coming up. Almost a definitive item as my make it or break it proclaimation to this company. I keep working on it, fine tuning it until it all runs together, the words begin to cross, and before I know it, Im not even writing in English anymore...
G, my toddler son, a little over a year old, is starting to know me better and better. The more he becomes this "person", the more I adore him. He has such a heart for others. When kids cry in the church nursery, he's there patting them, and getting them to play. When there is laughter and happiness, he is there in the middle of it. When I have had a stressful day, he comes running with just the right smile to flip my whole mood.
My moment of Selah is through my son, yet again. Here I was, typing and stressing and second guessing, and he comes up and keeps handing me books, toys and other things. He kept trying to climb in my lap and I kept directing his attention away from me. Finally he grabbed his best pals, Mickey and Monocito,* because apparently Mama looked like she needed a friend??* and crawled next to me and SHUT MY LAPTOP! In that moment, he said so much.
I have always had this feeling about my son that he is an "old soul" and wiser beyond his years. *year??=) * I normally would have considered some kind of discipline, because he knows that's a "no no" but I truly feel he was trying to say something. Like, "Mommy, this is OUR time, remember? Play with me...just play!" Somehow in reading "That's Not My Monkey" *for the 50th time, I swear* and cuddling with my son, this amazing peace came over me.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the life around us, we forget the lives we impact. We lose fact of the roles we play in the epic stories of others. We struggle so hard to get ahead that we forget to live in the moment we have. My son was telling me to live in his moment. He was inviting me to be a part of his special little world that is only this special for so long. I don't want to miss more moments like this.
When everything spins out of motion, grab the things that are closest to your heart and invest in their moments. That investment will bring the most profound profits.
In my last post, I shared how my life has been crazy and I have had a tough time finding my own identity again. It has made me realize I need to take moments to stop...just stand still, and the world, spinning a million miles a minute, slows down eventually too. I had just one of these moments...
In my new career, I have a very important presentation coming up. Almost a definitive item as my make it or break it proclaimation to this company. I keep working on it, fine tuning it until it all runs together, the words begin to cross, and before I know it, Im not even writing in English anymore...
G, my toddler son, a little over a year old, is starting to know me better and better. The more he becomes this "person", the more I adore him. He has such a heart for others. When kids cry in the church nursery, he's there patting them, and getting them to play. When there is laughter and happiness, he is there in the middle of it. When I have had a stressful day, he comes running with just the right smile to flip my whole mood.
My moment of Selah is through my son, yet again. Here I was, typing and stressing and second guessing, and he comes up and keeps handing me books, toys and other things. He kept trying to climb in my lap and I kept directing his attention away from me. Finally he grabbed his best pals, Mickey and Monocito,* because apparently Mama looked like she needed a friend??* and crawled next to me and SHUT MY LAPTOP! In that moment, he said so much.
I have always had this feeling about my son that he is an "old soul" and wiser beyond his years. *year??=) * I normally would have considered some kind of discipline, because he knows that's a "no no" but I truly feel he was trying to say something. Like, "Mommy, this is OUR time, remember? Play with me...just play!" Somehow in reading "That's Not My Monkey" *for the 50th time, I swear* and cuddling with my son, this amazing peace came over me.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the life around us, we forget the lives we impact. We lose fact of the roles we play in the epic stories of others. We struggle so hard to get ahead that we forget to live in the moment we have. My son was telling me to live in his moment. He was inviting me to be a part of his special little world that is only this special for so long. I don't want to miss more moments like this.
When everything spins out of motion, grab the things that are closest to your heart and invest in their moments. That investment will bring the most profound profits.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
You Spin My Head Right Round, Right Round...
I feel like I have been caught in a whirlwind of insanity. From old jobs to overseas trips to new jobs to first birthdays, second first birthday parties, and holidays...oh the holidays...I literally feel like I have been robbed of Christmas...everything that made it special for me just wasnt happening. I feel like everything happened so fast. DS's second Christmas and I barely remember it...sometimes I feel like I barely remember me...
DH and I had a huge talk tonight about confidence...finding it again. Renewing in myself the things that makes me happy. Maybe I should find a good conversation with my dad over some coffee...maybe I should work out more and bring back that old body...I feel like I have spent so much time investing in my son and family and job that the old me is trapped inside of a glass box that she is screaming to be released from...I can see her, remember her, how fun and creative and silly she was...but I can't touch her...I need a giant ax of confidence to break through and get her back...We talked tonight about me listening to the bull that I tell myself...I mean, I have always had this inner not-good-enough/not as good as her debate going on, but lately I have really started listening to it and it's been a poison to my soul...a cancer to my being. I have stopped stopping to enjoy little parts of life...I feel like my mind is either a giant blank or filled with the headaches of overwhelming doubt. This dark night of the soul is not who I am. But how do I end the refrain I keep playing over and over again? How do I make it stop and hear a new song...I haven't felt freedom in myself for so long. I guess I need to realize that I can be a mom and be a wife and still be me! Just because I am a mother now doesn't mean that I automatically deny all of the parts of myself that I used to enjoy. I just have to re-prioritize...
Thank God for my husband. I continue to say that God made him for me. He knows how to keep me grounded when the poison fills my mind. He reminds me that I do have the coolest kid in the world and he wouldn't be that way if his mom wasn't pretty great herself. He renews my faith in his love for me and fills the cracks in my heart, of which I have broken myself. He, in a sense, writes love on my own arms where I would prefer to write f*** up. He sees me for all the good I am, loves me for who I was and reminds me of who I could be, should I chose to be.
Today, for me, my husband is my moment of selah. Hearing the Father whisper I am loved...
DH and I had a huge talk tonight about confidence...finding it again. Renewing in myself the things that makes me happy. Maybe I should find a good conversation with my dad over some coffee...maybe I should work out more and bring back that old body...I feel like I have spent so much time investing in my son and family and job that the old me is trapped inside of a glass box that she is screaming to be released from...I can see her, remember her, how fun and creative and silly she was...but I can't touch her...I need a giant ax of confidence to break through and get her back...We talked tonight about me listening to the bull that I tell myself...I mean, I have always had this inner not-good-enough/not as good as her debate going on, but lately I have really started listening to it and it's been a poison to my soul...a cancer to my being. I have stopped stopping to enjoy little parts of life...I feel like my mind is either a giant blank or filled with the headaches of overwhelming doubt. This dark night of the soul is not who I am. But how do I end the refrain I keep playing over and over again? How do I make it stop and hear a new song...I haven't felt freedom in myself for so long. I guess I need to realize that I can be a mom and be a wife and still be me! Just because I am a mother now doesn't mean that I automatically deny all of the parts of myself that I used to enjoy. I just have to re-prioritize...
Thank God for my husband. I continue to say that God made him for me. He knows how to keep me grounded when the poison fills my mind. He reminds me that I do have the coolest kid in the world and he wouldn't be that way if his mom wasn't pretty great herself. He renews my faith in his love for me and fills the cracks in my heart, of which I have broken myself. He, in a sense, writes love on my own arms where I would prefer to write f*** up. He sees me for all the good I am, loves me for who I was and reminds me of who I could be, should I chose to be.
Today, for me, my husband is my moment of selah. Hearing the Father whisper I am loved...
Monday, November 9, 2009
What's on Jesus' Christmas List?
It's that time of year...you know that time, when families gather for the holidays...you see family members you haven't seen in awhile...familiar conversations by the fire..familiar smells coming from the kitchen...you can see the table is laid with all the traditional goodness...and as you smack your uncle's hand out of the green bean casserole, *AGAIN* or you share a laugh with the family, as yet another boyfriend has been initiated by eating Grandma's "delicious" fruitcake...(and yes, we made them ALL do it...and it really is that bad!)...you see a room laid with presents...you feel yourself fill with nervous anticipation at every beautifully wrapped gift under the tree...hoping that your family received your wish list that you emailed, faxed, left on post its and "casually" dropped other such delicate hints of...Children lay in wait until they are released and then...the insanity begins...papers and bows flying at record speeds and when you look in the aftermath, how many of us experience that disappointment...I didn't get what I wanted...and then you hear it...the "thanks, Grandma" for the English Stallion cologne that your 20 year old fiance will never wear...the "wow, this is awesome" with a twinge of hate at the holiday sweatshirt you will never use...the only sound of happiness is Grandpa tearing into his yearly anticipated can of popcorn...Yes, sweet victory...and all the feigned happiness because your family ignored what you wanted...or never cared to ask...
How often do we do this to Jesus on his birthday? Shower him with gift exchanges, christmas cookies, warm fuzzy Christmas specials and green bean casserole...Now, please don't think for a moment Im hating on cookies or the Christmas classics...What my point is, how different would our world be if we stopped to ask Jesus what HE wanted for Christmas.
Did you know that Americans spend 480 million dollars on Christmas every year...how much of that is in wasted gifts...what if we could give a gift that would continue to give year after year...
I challenge you to check out the site Adventconspiriacy.com. Watch the videos, listen to the need...we spend 480 million dollars on this holiday when really, we could have saved the world for 10 million of that...what if, instead of giving family members gifts that may gather dust, we give someone the gift of clean water to drink? That's approximately one less gift for each person on your list...every day, children die, women work themselves to death, education suffers, creativity stifles, work is lost, families are broken...at the root, and one of the leading demons of poverty in this world is thirst...what if while spreading living water this season, we spread some actual water as well
How often do we do this to Jesus on his birthday? Shower him with gift exchanges, christmas cookies, warm fuzzy Christmas specials and green bean casserole...Now, please don't think for a moment Im hating on cookies or the Christmas classics...What my point is, how different would our world be if we stopped to ask Jesus what HE wanted for Christmas.
Did you know that Americans spend 480 million dollars on Christmas every year...how much of that is in wasted gifts...what if we could give a gift that would continue to give year after year...
I challenge you to check out the site Adventconspiriacy.com. Watch the videos, listen to the need...we spend 480 million dollars on this holiday when really, we could have saved the world for 10 million of that...what if, instead of giving family members gifts that may gather dust, we give someone the gift of clean water to drink? That's approximately one less gift for each person on your list...every day, children die, women work themselves to death, education suffers, creativity stifles, work is lost, families are broken...at the root, and one of the leading demons of poverty in this world is thirst...what if while spreading living water this season, we spread some actual water as well
take a moment and go to adventconspiracy.com...make this Christmas different...Worship Fully, Give Presence *Not presents*, Love More...
Instead of making Jesus say "oh, you shouldn't have" let's make him say "Im so glad you did..."
...Now, get out of here and go watch Polar Express...
Friday, October 30, 2009
Kindness Shines In Financial Darkness
This moment of selah is brought to you by...not the letter K, as some may think...but by a little blond boy around 8 years old in the grocery store...
Any new parent can tell you, having a child revamps your entire budget...where there used to be date nights, movies, dinners, spurges and mani/pedis, now there are diapers, day care, jar foods (i kind of sucked at pureeing them myself...) and wipes...By the grace of God, we have been blessed with so many gifts for our son. Like, my sister in law randomly receives an enormous bag of clothing, that just happens to be my son's current size, season and his next size up...coincidence, i think not...
Having a child has forced my husband and I to tighten the belt, eat out less (we miss you too, Mr. Wong's Take Out guy) and make better decisions for our family...sometimes those decisions are tough...you hand over your credit cards and put them away, feeling much like the Schmeagol character in Lord of the Rings...You have just given over your "Precious!"
Last night in the grocery store, I had exactly $XX amount of money to spend to take care of my family's needs...after going down my list, picking up things and putting them back, stressing and becoming frustrated, I felt, I had a cart worthy of my funds...Turns out it was a little too worthy...as the bill got higher and higher, the tears got bigger and bigger behind my eyes. I was so embarassed...I KNEW I was going to have to put even more things back...with a furious blush and a nervous laugh, I got out of line, trying to ignore the comments of the undoubtedly overworked and underpaid cashier...like about how I should just add things up before wasting her time...
I begin retracing my steps in the store, checking my list...and at this point, my son, who Im beginning to think understands my heart more and more, keeps making the kissing noise we taught him and saying "mamamamamama..." I feel a little tap on my leg and there is this little guy behind me with a fistful of cash...Im dumbfounded...i don't know what to say...He says, "My mama wanted you to have this"...Seven Dollars
**You may commence crying...I know I did**
Truth be told, I probably could have just paid the bill and walked out the door...sure, i would have had to pull from somewhere else, but then something else would suffer and it was more important to me to keep that budget...Sure, seven dollars doesn't mean much in the long run, but maybe it was all that mother had...she saw another mom having a rough time and just trying to make things work...and so she emptied her pocket...
This song by Fireflight keeps running through my head "Im here, to stay, nothing can separate us...I know Im ok, you cradle me gently, wrapped in your arms..." and at that moment, I felt wrapped by the Father...My moment of selah came that day when He worked through a little boy, whose mom emptied her pocket to help someone else...Father, give me the same opportunity in the future...I have no clue who she was...but I would love to honor her gift and pay it forward.
Any new parent can tell you, having a child revamps your entire budget...where there used to be date nights, movies, dinners, spurges and mani/pedis, now there are diapers, day care, jar foods (i kind of sucked at pureeing them myself...) and wipes...By the grace of God, we have been blessed with so many gifts for our son. Like, my sister in law randomly receives an enormous bag of clothing, that just happens to be my son's current size, season and his next size up...coincidence, i think not...
Having a child has forced my husband and I to tighten the belt, eat out less (we miss you too, Mr. Wong's Take Out guy) and make better decisions for our family...sometimes those decisions are tough...you hand over your credit cards and put them away, feeling much like the Schmeagol character in Lord of the Rings...You have just given over your "Precious!"
Last night in the grocery store, I had exactly $XX amount of money to spend to take care of my family's needs...after going down my list, picking up things and putting them back, stressing and becoming frustrated, I felt, I had a cart worthy of my funds...Turns out it was a little too worthy...as the bill got higher and higher, the tears got bigger and bigger behind my eyes. I was so embarassed...I KNEW I was going to have to put even more things back...with a furious blush and a nervous laugh, I got out of line, trying to ignore the comments of the undoubtedly overworked and underpaid cashier...like about how I should just add things up before wasting her time...
I begin retracing my steps in the store, checking my list...and at this point, my son, who Im beginning to think understands my heart more and more, keeps making the kissing noise we taught him and saying "mamamamamama..." I feel a little tap on my leg and there is this little guy behind me with a fistful of cash...Im dumbfounded...i don't know what to say...He says, "My mama wanted you to have this"...Seven Dollars
**You may commence crying...I know I did**
Truth be told, I probably could have just paid the bill and walked out the door...sure, i would have had to pull from somewhere else, but then something else would suffer and it was more important to me to keep that budget...Sure, seven dollars doesn't mean much in the long run, but maybe it was all that mother had...she saw another mom having a rough time and just trying to make things work...and so she emptied her pocket...
This song by Fireflight keeps running through my head "Im here, to stay, nothing can separate us...I know Im ok, you cradle me gently, wrapped in your arms..." and at that moment, I felt wrapped by the Father...My moment of selah came that day when He worked through a little boy, whose mom emptied her pocket to help someone else...Father, give me the same opportunity in the future...I have no clue who she was...but I would love to honor her gift and pay it forward.
Friday, October 16, 2009
A Divine Intervention and a Little Red Wine
Have you ever been in a conversation, and at some point, beginning, middle or end, you have a moment when you realize that God intended for this conversation to happen? He meant for you to be there, meant for you to hear specific words that he desperately needed you to hear. It's kind of like that mentality that one has as a teenager...nobody wants to hear what their parents have to say, however if someone way cooler than mom or dad said the exact same message, it all becomes so much clearer and we have reached immediate enlightenment?
I had the pleasure of that experience tonight...I was invited to a party for a husband of my boss...a lot of corporate schmoozing, which makes me want to puke, but just as I had reached my fill of the semi yummy hors'devours and free riesling wine, I was saying goodbye to a previous director of mine, who had been laid off earlier this year. *Two thumbs way up, economy* Im not sure if it was all of her Merlot talking or if she really meant it, but she gave me the biggest hug and we began a conversation that found me still seated there 45 minutes later.
She and I had shared a secret bond while working together. Shh...don't tell...we both love Jesus...which unfortunately is not as popular in my office as some other disreputable things...like "diversity" parades....but it was nice to have an understanding that someone in this corporate monster knows that there is a greater purpose out there.
She began to discuss how much her life had changed and how she had grown immensely since having been sliced and diced in the great layoff of 09. She spoke very real emotions to me and was honestly speaking from her heart about how, each step of the way, her human weakness would want to crawl back in to bed and cry, but how God was there, taking each step with her. Back in April, this lady told me she sat down with an index card, wrote down everything she wanted in a job. Every detail was there, down to having an office with windows...and from that day, she prayed that God would grant her the desires of her index card...heart? She wasn't afraid to lay before God exactly what she wanted...and after a long hard summer and just as the severance was running out, God granted her this hearts desire...
Im not sharing this story to say God is a genie...you make 3 wishes, he kind of sounds like Robin Williams, and life is perfect once again...Im sharing it because I have a hard time just laying it out...I hate asking God for things I want...I feel selfish and like I dont deserve it...what I fail to realize is this is all a part of that faithfulness...God is a gracious father, who wants to pour out his blessings on his children...but just like the dad who makes his child work to earn that bike, God wants us to learn some lessons along the way. But first we need to learn to trust him. If we don't have faith that he is going to move in our lives in a powerful way, all our prayers are just performance for those who hear them. If we are faithful, then He is faithful.
Im not foolish enough to know that next week, God is going to throw a million bucks in that old bank account. But through this conversation, I have learned that it's ok to tell God that there are things you want in this life. Its ok to pray passionately that your hearts desire be in his will...He wants us to seek Him faithfully, because when we stop doing that, we continue to try to earn things by our own power, and that is an impossible task.
Take this challenge with me. If there is something in your life troubling you....job, money, family, marriage...whatever burdens your heart, write it down. Index Card, Prayer Journal, Bar Napkin under your rum and coke...wherever you are. Write it down and make it a matter of prayer every day. Keep your eyes open for God moving in your life, and He can do wonderful things.
I had the pleasure of that experience tonight...I was invited to a party for a husband of my boss...a lot of corporate schmoozing, which makes me want to puke, but just as I had reached my fill of the semi yummy hors'devours and free riesling wine, I was saying goodbye to a previous director of mine, who had been laid off earlier this year. *Two thumbs way up, economy* Im not sure if it was all of her Merlot talking or if she really meant it, but she gave me the biggest hug and we began a conversation that found me still seated there 45 minutes later.
She and I had shared a secret bond while working together. Shh...don't tell...we both love Jesus...which unfortunately is not as popular in my office as some other disreputable things...like "diversity" parades....but it was nice to have an understanding that someone in this corporate monster knows that there is a greater purpose out there.
She began to discuss how much her life had changed and how she had grown immensely since having been sliced and diced in the great layoff of 09. She spoke very real emotions to me and was honestly speaking from her heart about how, each step of the way, her human weakness would want to crawl back in to bed and cry, but how God was there, taking each step with her. Back in April, this lady told me she sat down with an index card, wrote down everything she wanted in a job. Every detail was there, down to having an office with windows...and from that day, she prayed that God would grant her the desires of her index card...heart? She wasn't afraid to lay before God exactly what she wanted...and after a long hard summer and just as the severance was running out, God granted her this hearts desire...
Im not sharing this story to say God is a genie...you make 3 wishes, he kind of sounds like Robin Williams, and life is perfect once again...Im sharing it because I have a hard time just laying it out...I hate asking God for things I want...I feel selfish and like I dont deserve it...what I fail to realize is this is all a part of that faithfulness...God is a gracious father, who wants to pour out his blessings on his children...but just like the dad who makes his child work to earn that bike, God wants us to learn some lessons along the way. But first we need to learn to trust him. If we don't have faith that he is going to move in our lives in a powerful way, all our prayers are just performance for those who hear them. If we are faithful, then He is faithful.
Im not foolish enough to know that next week, God is going to throw a million bucks in that old bank account. But through this conversation, I have learned that it's ok to tell God that there are things you want in this life. Its ok to pray passionately that your hearts desire be in his will...He wants us to seek Him faithfully, because when we stop doing that, we continue to try to earn things by our own power, and that is an impossible task.
Take this challenge with me. If there is something in your life troubling you....job, money, family, marriage...whatever burdens your heart, write it down. Index Card, Prayer Journal, Bar Napkin under your rum and coke...wherever you are. Write it down and make it a matter of prayer every day. Keep your eyes open for God moving in your life, and He can do wonderful things.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Peace Among the Poo
yes, that's right...i said poo...
I think this is one of the hardest things for me...seeing God when life goes into the crapper...Here are just a few details...our new home, our first dream house together has a busted roof...not sure whose fault it is, or if the previous sellers could even have knowledge of it...all I know is that one night, shortly after we bought our home...it rained in my living room. Thankfully, it hasn't done it but that once, however, after several estimates and conversations with attorneys, its determined we need to find a way to fix our roof...and where is that money going to come from?
Then, last week, my hubs' car has a defect that only the dealer can fix...300 dollars later...we have a part the size of my fist...I could think of a lot of other things I could have spent 300 dollars on...
The cherry on the cake of my last week was my little guy, DS for you interet people, gets a cold, cough and hives that we can't seem to get rid of. The pedi said to give him benadryl, but they were back in full force this morning.
So, where is God in all this? Where is my moment of Peace? I learned this week that my moments of peace come quietly...like when the insurance check shows up and it miraculously covers the expense of my husband's car...and when we have a guy from our church who used to own a roofing company offering to at least advise us through the process *because we get screweed a lot as a young couple...don't ask about the 1500 dollar pots we were talked into!*
...Moments of peace come when, even though covered in hives, my DS has no fever and can still be his normal adorable self...
God is not a magician or genie, who upon receiveing the right prayer will whisk all bad things away...in fact, I think there are several instances where he never wants to see us attacked like that at all...but in the tiniest smile from a 9 month old boy, he lets me know that he's still there holding me...and while Im trying to do all I can to hold it together, he's right there, holding me together.
now to see a man about a roof...
I think this is one of the hardest things for me...seeing God when life goes into the crapper...Here are just a few details...our new home, our first dream house together has a busted roof...not sure whose fault it is, or if the previous sellers could even have knowledge of it...all I know is that one night, shortly after we bought our home...it rained in my living room. Thankfully, it hasn't done it but that once, however, after several estimates and conversations with attorneys, its determined we need to find a way to fix our roof...and where is that money going to come from?
Then, last week, my hubs' car has a defect that only the dealer can fix...300 dollars later...we have a part the size of my fist...I could think of a lot of other things I could have spent 300 dollars on...
The cherry on the cake of my last week was my little guy, DS for you interet people, gets a cold, cough and hives that we can't seem to get rid of. The pedi said to give him benadryl, but they were back in full force this morning.
So, where is God in all this? Where is my moment of Peace? I learned this week that my moments of peace come quietly...like when the insurance check shows up and it miraculously covers the expense of my husband's car...and when we have a guy from our church who used to own a roofing company offering to at least advise us through the process *because we get screweed a lot as a young couple...don't ask about the 1500 dollar pots we were talked into!*
...Moments of peace come when, even though covered in hives, my DS has no fever and can still be his normal adorable self...
God is not a magician or genie, who upon receiveing the right prayer will whisk all bad things away...in fact, I think there are several instances where he never wants to see us attacked like that at all...but in the tiniest smile from a 9 month old boy, he lets me know that he's still there holding me...and while Im trying to do all I can to hold it together, he's right there, holding me together.
now to see a man about a roof...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Cotton Candy Sunsets
Recently, I have begun a journey between God and myself. I think that personal relationships with God can be formed beyond reading the book of Matthew everyday, saying a prayer and feeling good about yourself. I think God wants us to live our relationship with him in everyday life. We don't just talk to our spouse once a day, pat them on their head and send them on their way? We don't say hi to our children, tell them something nice and forget about them for 2 or 3 days? In the same way, I think God wants us to experience life with Him, in His presence...The problem with that is other aspects of life become a smog to that gloriously beautiful presence.
Life was so much easier when I was in college. I had time to stop and look at "cotton candy sunsets" and thank God for that moment of beauty. I had places to go and conversations like no other in which I was truly learning who God was in my life and just how much He loved me. There would be times when I would schedule a "date with Jesus" which would basically consist of me, some Shane and Shane or David Crowder CD's, a Bible and whatever he may want to show me...other times it was just a drive in the mountains talking to God. *My friend Ashley and I used to call our cars our "rolling confessionals"...knowing how I drive, the safety of that abandoned prayer while driving amazes me...pretty sure God had a pack of angels on standby when we went for some rolling confessionals...*
Now that I am a grown up, I feel like I've been tossed my big girl shoes (cute as they may be), a briefcase and told to hit the pavement. Its hard enough for me to have a date with my adorable husband, let alone make time for intimacy with God. And even though we are a very active family in our church, even then it seems like obligation overwhelms us and fellowship becomes this heavy weight...and intimacy with God is lost...As mentioned before, there are times during the week where I find myself gasping for air as the smog of life gets thicker with deadlines, projects, diapers, groceries, roof problems...It's like I can vaguely see God and I know He's still there...but instead of taking time to see Him in every day, I drive home ticking off the list of things to do and missing the sunset he is showing to me...
I began to share this struggle with a friend of mine who recommended a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I started reading the first chapter and was instantly brought back to those moments of selah in my life; moments where I had begun to stop, breathe and listen to whatever it was that God may have wanted me to know...things I could miss when otherwise distracted with my own life. God doesn't want us to live our lives and then come visit him once a week, like a grandparent in a home...God wants to do life with us! This is the intimacy of our youth, our moments of selah when we remember that voice and return to it.
I feel sad that in this life that he has given me, I fail to make time for him. I fail to turn off the laptop, ask the husband to take the baby for a moment, think about things to do, rather than spend a moment living life with God. I feel like I have a friend who I have left neglected for far too long...one who I have kept promising we would hang out and keep pushing to the backburner. I hope through this journey I can rediscover that intimacy with my creator, renew my passion through his Crazy Love, and most importantly, remember to keep God in the core of who I am and not another item on my list to do...
Tomorrow, I want to find a cotton candy sunset....
Life was so much easier when I was in college. I had time to stop and look at "cotton candy sunsets" and thank God for that moment of beauty. I had places to go and conversations like no other in which I was truly learning who God was in my life and just how much He loved me. There would be times when I would schedule a "date with Jesus" which would basically consist of me, some Shane and Shane or David Crowder CD's, a Bible and whatever he may want to show me...other times it was just a drive in the mountains talking to God. *My friend Ashley and I used to call our cars our "rolling confessionals"...knowing how I drive, the safety of that abandoned prayer while driving amazes me...pretty sure God had a pack of angels on standby when we went for some rolling confessionals...*
Now that I am a grown up, I feel like I've been tossed my big girl shoes (cute as they may be), a briefcase and told to hit the pavement. Its hard enough for me to have a date with my adorable husband, let alone make time for intimacy with God. And even though we are a very active family in our church, even then it seems like obligation overwhelms us and fellowship becomes this heavy weight...and intimacy with God is lost...As mentioned before, there are times during the week where I find myself gasping for air as the smog of life gets thicker with deadlines, projects, diapers, groceries, roof problems...It's like I can vaguely see God and I know He's still there...but instead of taking time to see Him in every day, I drive home ticking off the list of things to do and missing the sunset he is showing to me...
I began to share this struggle with a friend of mine who recommended a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I started reading the first chapter and was instantly brought back to those moments of selah in my life; moments where I had begun to stop, breathe and listen to whatever it was that God may have wanted me to know...things I could miss when otherwise distracted with my own life. God doesn't want us to live our lives and then come visit him once a week, like a grandparent in a home...God wants to do life with us! This is the intimacy of our youth, our moments of selah when we remember that voice and return to it.
I feel sad that in this life that he has given me, I fail to make time for him. I fail to turn off the laptop, ask the husband to take the baby for a moment, think about things to do, rather than spend a moment living life with God. I feel like I have a friend who I have left neglected for far too long...one who I have kept promising we would hang out and keep pushing to the backburner. I hope through this journey I can rediscover that intimacy with my creator, renew my passion through his Crazy Love, and most importantly, remember to keep God in the core of who I am and not another item on my list to do...
Tomorrow, I want to find a cotton candy sunset....
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Stop.Breathe.Selah...
There are so many times life will spin endlessly out of control. It doesn't ask you if you want a day off, a break, a choice...life just runs continuessly and we are one of several mice stuck on the wheel...One of the greatest lessons I learned is the meaning of Selah...Selah is when one takes a moment to stop...to breathe...to listen to God. I find myself so caught up in day to day, and when I am at church on Sundays, it's like I am in a draught and no matter how much water I drink, Im parched by Tuesday...
This is my journey to Selah...to finding God in everyday moments...to listening to what HE has to say and taking a moment to breathe and see His way for me before getting caught up in my decisions...
This is my journey to Selah...to finding God in everyday moments...to listening to what HE has to say and taking a moment to breathe and see His way for me before getting caught up in my decisions...
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