Cotton Candy Sunsets

Recently, I have begun a journey between God and myself. I think that personal relationships with God can be formed beyond reading the book of Matthew everyday, saying a prayer and feeling good about yourself. I think God wants us to live our relationship with him in everyday life. We don't just talk to our spouse once a day, pat them on their head and send them on their way? We don't say hi to our children, tell them something nice and forget about them for 2 or 3 days? In the same way, I think God wants us to experience life with Him, in His presence...The problem with that is other aspects of life become a smog to that gloriously beautiful presence.

Life was so much easier when I was in college. I had time to stop and look at "cotton candy sunsets" and thank God for that moment of beauty. I had places to go and conversations like no other in which I was truly learning who God was in my life and just how much He loved me. There would be times when I would schedule a "date with Jesus" which would basically consist of me, some Shane and Shane or David Crowder CD's, a Bible and whatever he may want to show me...other times it was just a drive in the mountains talking to God. *My friend Ashley and I used to call our cars our "rolling confessionals"...knowing how I drive, the safety of that abandoned prayer while driving amazes me...pretty sure God had a pack of angels on standby when we went for some rolling confessionals...*

Now that I am a grown up, I feel like I've been tossed my big girl shoes (cute as they may be), a briefcase and told to hit the pavement. Its hard enough for me to have a date with my adorable husband, let alone make time for intimacy with God. And even though we are a very active family in our church, even then it seems like obligation overwhelms us and fellowship becomes this heavy weight...and intimacy with God is lost...As mentioned before, there are times during the week where I find myself gasping for air as the smog of life gets thicker with deadlines, projects, diapers, groceries, roof problems...It's like I can vaguely see God and I know He's still there...but instead of taking time to see Him in every day, I drive home ticking off the list of things to do and missing the sunset he is showing to me...

I began to share this struggle with a friend of mine who recommended a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I started reading the first chapter and was instantly brought back to those moments of selah in my life; moments where I had begun to stop, breathe and listen to whatever it was that God may have wanted me to know...things I could miss when otherwise distracted with my own life. God doesn't want us to live our lives and then come visit him once a week, like a grandparent in a home...God wants to do life with us! This is the intimacy of our youth, our moments of selah when we remember that voice and return to it.

I feel sad that in this life that he has given me, I fail to make time for him. I fail to turn off the laptop, ask the husband to take the baby for a moment, think about things to do, rather than spend a moment living life with God. I feel like I have a friend who I have left neglected for far too long...one who I have kept promising we would hang out and keep pushing to the backburner. I hope through this journey I can rediscover that intimacy with my creator, renew my passion through his Crazy Love, and most importantly, remember to keep God in the core of who I am and not another item on my list to do...

Tomorrow, I want to find a cotton candy sunset....