This moment of selah is brought to you by...not the letter K, as some may think...but by a little blond boy around 8 years old in the grocery store...
Any new parent can tell you, having a child revamps your entire budget...where there used to be date nights, movies, dinners, spurges and mani/pedis, now there are diapers, day care, jar foods (i kind of sucked at pureeing them myself...) and wipes...By the grace of God, we have been blessed with so many gifts for our son. Like, my sister in law randomly receives an enormous bag of clothing, that just happens to be my son's current size, season and his next size up...coincidence, i think not...
Having a child has forced my husband and I to tighten the belt, eat out less (we miss you too, Mr. Wong's Take Out guy) and make better decisions for our family...sometimes those decisions are tough...you hand over your credit cards and put them away, feeling much like the Schmeagol character in Lord of the Rings...You have just given over your "Precious!"
Last night in the grocery store, I had exactly $XX amount of money to spend to take care of my family's needs...after going down my list, picking up things and putting them back, stressing and becoming frustrated, I felt, I had a cart worthy of my funds...Turns out it was a little too worthy...as the bill got higher and higher, the tears got bigger and bigger behind my eyes. I was so embarassed...I KNEW I was going to have to put even more things back...with a furious blush and a nervous laugh, I got out of line, trying to ignore the comments of the undoubtedly overworked and underpaid cashier...like about how I should just add things up before wasting her time...
I begin retracing my steps in the store, checking my list...and at this point, my son, who Im beginning to think understands my heart more and more, keeps making the kissing noise we taught him and saying "mamamamamama..." I feel a little tap on my leg and there is this little guy behind me with a fistful of cash...Im dumbfounded...i don't know what to say...He says, "My mama wanted you to have this"...Seven Dollars
**You may commence crying...I know I did**
Truth be told, I probably could have just paid the bill and walked out the door...sure, i would have had to pull from somewhere else, but then something else would suffer and it was more important to me to keep that budget...Sure, seven dollars doesn't mean much in the long run, but maybe it was all that mother had...she saw another mom having a rough time and just trying to make things work...and so she emptied her pocket...
This song by Fireflight keeps running through my head "Im here, to stay, nothing can separate us...I know Im ok, you cradle me gently, wrapped in your arms..." and at that moment, I felt wrapped by the Father...My moment of selah came that day when He worked through a little boy, whose mom emptied her pocket to help someone else...Father, give me the same opportunity in the future...I have no clue who she was...but I would love to honor her gift and pay it forward.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
A Divine Intervention and a Little Red Wine
Have you ever been in a conversation, and at some point, beginning, middle or end, you have a moment when you realize that God intended for this conversation to happen? He meant for you to be there, meant for you to hear specific words that he desperately needed you to hear. It's kind of like that mentality that one has as a teenager...nobody wants to hear what their parents have to say, however if someone way cooler than mom or dad said the exact same message, it all becomes so much clearer and we have reached immediate enlightenment?
I had the pleasure of that experience tonight...I was invited to a party for a husband of my boss...a lot of corporate schmoozing, which makes me want to puke, but just as I had reached my fill of the semi yummy hors'devours and free riesling wine, I was saying goodbye to a previous director of mine, who had been laid off earlier this year. *Two thumbs way up, economy* Im not sure if it was all of her Merlot talking or if she really meant it, but she gave me the biggest hug and we began a conversation that found me still seated there 45 minutes later.
She and I had shared a secret bond while working together. Shh...don't tell...we both love Jesus...which unfortunately is not as popular in my office as some other disreputable things...like "diversity" parades....but it was nice to have an understanding that someone in this corporate monster knows that there is a greater purpose out there.
She began to discuss how much her life had changed and how she had grown immensely since having been sliced and diced in the great layoff of 09. She spoke very real emotions to me and was honestly speaking from her heart about how, each step of the way, her human weakness would want to crawl back in to bed and cry, but how God was there, taking each step with her. Back in April, this lady told me she sat down with an index card, wrote down everything she wanted in a job. Every detail was there, down to having an office with windows...and from that day, she prayed that God would grant her the desires of her index card...heart? She wasn't afraid to lay before God exactly what she wanted...and after a long hard summer and just as the severance was running out, God granted her this hearts desire...
Im not sharing this story to say God is a genie...you make 3 wishes, he kind of sounds like Robin Williams, and life is perfect once again...Im sharing it because I have a hard time just laying it out...I hate asking God for things I want...I feel selfish and like I dont deserve it...what I fail to realize is this is all a part of that faithfulness...God is a gracious father, who wants to pour out his blessings on his children...but just like the dad who makes his child work to earn that bike, God wants us to learn some lessons along the way. But first we need to learn to trust him. If we don't have faith that he is going to move in our lives in a powerful way, all our prayers are just performance for those who hear them. If we are faithful, then He is faithful.
Im not foolish enough to know that next week, God is going to throw a million bucks in that old bank account. But through this conversation, I have learned that it's ok to tell God that there are things you want in this life. Its ok to pray passionately that your hearts desire be in his will...He wants us to seek Him faithfully, because when we stop doing that, we continue to try to earn things by our own power, and that is an impossible task.
Take this challenge with me. If there is something in your life troubling you....job, money, family, marriage...whatever burdens your heart, write it down. Index Card, Prayer Journal, Bar Napkin under your rum and coke...wherever you are. Write it down and make it a matter of prayer every day. Keep your eyes open for God moving in your life, and He can do wonderful things.
I had the pleasure of that experience tonight...I was invited to a party for a husband of my boss...a lot of corporate schmoozing, which makes me want to puke, but just as I had reached my fill of the semi yummy hors'devours and free riesling wine, I was saying goodbye to a previous director of mine, who had been laid off earlier this year. *Two thumbs way up, economy* Im not sure if it was all of her Merlot talking or if she really meant it, but she gave me the biggest hug and we began a conversation that found me still seated there 45 minutes later.
She and I had shared a secret bond while working together. Shh...don't tell...we both love Jesus...which unfortunately is not as popular in my office as some other disreputable things...like "diversity" parades....but it was nice to have an understanding that someone in this corporate monster knows that there is a greater purpose out there.
She began to discuss how much her life had changed and how she had grown immensely since having been sliced and diced in the great layoff of 09. She spoke very real emotions to me and was honestly speaking from her heart about how, each step of the way, her human weakness would want to crawl back in to bed and cry, but how God was there, taking each step with her. Back in April, this lady told me she sat down with an index card, wrote down everything she wanted in a job. Every detail was there, down to having an office with windows...and from that day, she prayed that God would grant her the desires of her index card...heart? She wasn't afraid to lay before God exactly what she wanted...and after a long hard summer and just as the severance was running out, God granted her this hearts desire...
Im not sharing this story to say God is a genie...you make 3 wishes, he kind of sounds like Robin Williams, and life is perfect once again...Im sharing it because I have a hard time just laying it out...I hate asking God for things I want...I feel selfish and like I dont deserve it...what I fail to realize is this is all a part of that faithfulness...God is a gracious father, who wants to pour out his blessings on his children...but just like the dad who makes his child work to earn that bike, God wants us to learn some lessons along the way. But first we need to learn to trust him. If we don't have faith that he is going to move in our lives in a powerful way, all our prayers are just performance for those who hear them. If we are faithful, then He is faithful.
Im not foolish enough to know that next week, God is going to throw a million bucks in that old bank account. But through this conversation, I have learned that it's ok to tell God that there are things you want in this life. Its ok to pray passionately that your hearts desire be in his will...He wants us to seek Him faithfully, because when we stop doing that, we continue to try to earn things by our own power, and that is an impossible task.
Take this challenge with me. If there is something in your life troubling you....job, money, family, marriage...whatever burdens your heart, write it down. Index Card, Prayer Journal, Bar Napkin under your rum and coke...wherever you are. Write it down and make it a matter of prayer every day. Keep your eyes open for God moving in your life, and He can do wonderful things.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Peace Among the Poo
yes, that's right...i said poo...
I think this is one of the hardest things for me...seeing God when life goes into the crapper...Here are just a few details...our new home, our first dream house together has a busted roof...not sure whose fault it is, or if the previous sellers could even have knowledge of it...all I know is that one night, shortly after we bought our home...it rained in my living room. Thankfully, it hasn't done it but that once, however, after several estimates and conversations with attorneys, its determined we need to find a way to fix our roof...and where is that money going to come from?
Then, last week, my hubs' car has a defect that only the dealer can fix...300 dollars later...we have a part the size of my fist...I could think of a lot of other things I could have spent 300 dollars on...
The cherry on the cake of my last week was my little guy, DS for you interet people, gets a cold, cough and hives that we can't seem to get rid of. The pedi said to give him benadryl, but they were back in full force this morning.
So, where is God in all this? Where is my moment of Peace? I learned this week that my moments of peace come quietly...like when the insurance check shows up and it miraculously covers the expense of my husband's car...and when we have a guy from our church who used to own a roofing company offering to at least advise us through the process *because we get screweed a lot as a young couple...don't ask about the 1500 dollar pots we were talked into!*
...Moments of peace come when, even though covered in hives, my DS has no fever and can still be his normal adorable self...
God is not a magician or genie, who upon receiveing the right prayer will whisk all bad things away...in fact, I think there are several instances where he never wants to see us attacked like that at all...but in the tiniest smile from a 9 month old boy, he lets me know that he's still there holding me...and while Im trying to do all I can to hold it together, he's right there, holding me together.
now to see a man about a roof...
I think this is one of the hardest things for me...seeing God when life goes into the crapper...Here are just a few details...our new home, our first dream house together has a busted roof...not sure whose fault it is, or if the previous sellers could even have knowledge of it...all I know is that one night, shortly after we bought our home...it rained in my living room. Thankfully, it hasn't done it but that once, however, after several estimates and conversations with attorneys, its determined we need to find a way to fix our roof...and where is that money going to come from?
Then, last week, my hubs' car has a defect that only the dealer can fix...300 dollars later...we have a part the size of my fist...I could think of a lot of other things I could have spent 300 dollars on...
The cherry on the cake of my last week was my little guy, DS for you interet people, gets a cold, cough and hives that we can't seem to get rid of. The pedi said to give him benadryl, but they were back in full force this morning.
So, where is God in all this? Where is my moment of Peace? I learned this week that my moments of peace come quietly...like when the insurance check shows up and it miraculously covers the expense of my husband's car...and when we have a guy from our church who used to own a roofing company offering to at least advise us through the process *because we get screweed a lot as a young couple...don't ask about the 1500 dollar pots we were talked into!*
...Moments of peace come when, even though covered in hives, my DS has no fever and can still be his normal adorable self...
God is not a magician or genie, who upon receiveing the right prayer will whisk all bad things away...in fact, I think there are several instances where he never wants to see us attacked like that at all...but in the tiniest smile from a 9 month old boy, he lets me know that he's still there holding me...and while Im trying to do all I can to hold it together, he's right there, holding me together.
now to see a man about a roof...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Cotton Candy Sunsets
Recently, I have begun a journey between God and myself. I think that personal relationships with God can be formed beyond reading the book of Matthew everyday, saying a prayer and feeling good about yourself. I think God wants us to live our relationship with him in everyday life. We don't just talk to our spouse once a day, pat them on their head and send them on their way? We don't say hi to our children, tell them something nice and forget about them for 2 or 3 days? In the same way, I think God wants us to experience life with Him, in His presence...The problem with that is other aspects of life become a smog to that gloriously beautiful presence.
Life was so much easier when I was in college. I had time to stop and look at "cotton candy sunsets" and thank God for that moment of beauty. I had places to go and conversations like no other in which I was truly learning who God was in my life and just how much He loved me. There would be times when I would schedule a "date with Jesus" which would basically consist of me, some Shane and Shane or David Crowder CD's, a Bible and whatever he may want to show me...other times it was just a drive in the mountains talking to God. *My friend Ashley and I used to call our cars our "rolling confessionals"...knowing how I drive, the safety of that abandoned prayer while driving amazes me...pretty sure God had a pack of angels on standby when we went for some rolling confessionals...*
Now that I am a grown up, I feel like I've been tossed my big girl shoes (cute as they may be), a briefcase and told to hit the pavement. Its hard enough for me to have a date with my adorable husband, let alone make time for intimacy with God. And even though we are a very active family in our church, even then it seems like obligation overwhelms us and fellowship becomes this heavy weight...and intimacy with God is lost...As mentioned before, there are times during the week where I find myself gasping for air as the smog of life gets thicker with deadlines, projects, diapers, groceries, roof problems...It's like I can vaguely see God and I know He's still there...but instead of taking time to see Him in every day, I drive home ticking off the list of things to do and missing the sunset he is showing to me...
I began to share this struggle with a friend of mine who recommended a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I started reading the first chapter and was instantly brought back to those moments of selah in my life; moments where I had begun to stop, breathe and listen to whatever it was that God may have wanted me to know...things I could miss when otherwise distracted with my own life. God doesn't want us to live our lives and then come visit him once a week, like a grandparent in a home...God wants to do life with us! This is the intimacy of our youth, our moments of selah when we remember that voice and return to it.
I feel sad that in this life that he has given me, I fail to make time for him. I fail to turn off the laptop, ask the husband to take the baby for a moment, think about things to do, rather than spend a moment living life with God. I feel like I have a friend who I have left neglected for far too long...one who I have kept promising we would hang out and keep pushing to the backburner. I hope through this journey I can rediscover that intimacy with my creator, renew my passion through his Crazy Love, and most importantly, remember to keep God in the core of who I am and not another item on my list to do...
Tomorrow, I want to find a cotton candy sunset....
Life was so much easier when I was in college. I had time to stop and look at "cotton candy sunsets" and thank God for that moment of beauty. I had places to go and conversations like no other in which I was truly learning who God was in my life and just how much He loved me. There would be times when I would schedule a "date with Jesus" which would basically consist of me, some Shane and Shane or David Crowder CD's, a Bible and whatever he may want to show me...other times it was just a drive in the mountains talking to God. *My friend Ashley and I used to call our cars our "rolling confessionals"...knowing how I drive, the safety of that abandoned prayer while driving amazes me...pretty sure God had a pack of angels on standby when we went for some rolling confessionals...*
Now that I am a grown up, I feel like I've been tossed my big girl shoes (cute as they may be), a briefcase and told to hit the pavement. Its hard enough for me to have a date with my adorable husband, let alone make time for intimacy with God. And even though we are a very active family in our church, even then it seems like obligation overwhelms us and fellowship becomes this heavy weight...and intimacy with God is lost...As mentioned before, there are times during the week where I find myself gasping for air as the smog of life gets thicker with deadlines, projects, diapers, groceries, roof problems...It's like I can vaguely see God and I know He's still there...but instead of taking time to see Him in every day, I drive home ticking off the list of things to do and missing the sunset he is showing to me...
I began to share this struggle with a friend of mine who recommended a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I started reading the first chapter and was instantly brought back to those moments of selah in my life; moments where I had begun to stop, breathe and listen to whatever it was that God may have wanted me to know...things I could miss when otherwise distracted with my own life. God doesn't want us to live our lives and then come visit him once a week, like a grandparent in a home...God wants to do life with us! This is the intimacy of our youth, our moments of selah when we remember that voice and return to it.
I feel sad that in this life that he has given me, I fail to make time for him. I fail to turn off the laptop, ask the husband to take the baby for a moment, think about things to do, rather than spend a moment living life with God. I feel like I have a friend who I have left neglected for far too long...one who I have kept promising we would hang out and keep pushing to the backburner. I hope through this journey I can rediscover that intimacy with my creator, renew my passion through his Crazy Love, and most importantly, remember to keep God in the core of who I am and not another item on my list to do...
Tomorrow, I want to find a cotton candy sunset....
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