Spiritual Anorexia and the Junior High Dance

Weird Title I know...but it got you in, right? =)

God and I have been doing a weird dance around each other lately. It's almost like a junior high dance where He has courageously asked me to dance with Him and Im afraid to touch him, so there we stand, in the middle of the gymnasium of life, me keeping Him at an arms length distance.

I have this strange churning in my soul every week at church...it's called, Pick Up Your Bible and Read it...(or, more appropriately, dig your bible out of your husband's trunk, because it's there for who knows why, and crack it open!) Every sunday, I sit in the service, I get moved by the worship, I sing my heart out (hopefully to the blessing and not curse of those around me) and feel refueled by what our Pastor has to say. Every week I think, "Yup! This is gonna be the week! Im gonna get up early, me, God and some coffee, and take time with Him every day..." And where do you think I am next week? In the same emotional spot I left behind. And it's not like He hasn't tried. He whispers to me through relationships, He shows himself in random scriptures I come across in Facebook and on blogs, and yet, here I am, snubbing Him, because there's always something else I am doing.

The situation reminds me of my son and his current eating patterns. (i know what you're thinking...keep reading =) It'll make sense)..moving on from baby and toddler foods and trying to enter the world of deliciousness, this has not been easy. Here we are, as his parents, offering him delicious morsels of food...and yet he snubs them...he pokes at them, plays with them, makes towers (of hot dogs) out of them, feeds them to the cat(no, kitty cannot eat your Spaghetti O's...)...Our new resolution has been, when he is hungry enough he will eat, and we will be sure it's the good stuff...but then, oh then, the moment of glory where he actually tries something and *gasp* realizes it's amazing...this moment of clarity and happiness gushes out of him. Like he's renewed by having it for the first time and now, suddenly, I have got to stock up, because He can't get enough of this new flavor!

The Bible tells us that there are moments between our soul and God when our soul will actually defy us and cry out to him...like they are having a conversation on our heart's behalf...I think I actually got to eavsdrop on that this week....With resounding clarity, I remember my mind looking up and shouting (inwardly) I am STARVING!! The thoughts that fill my head, the lies it has chosen to listen to, the hurtful things that have filled up the voided crevaces where God used to fill them, ...this is the Starvation of my soul taken to the point of insanity...Literally, my heart has reached the point of starvation in putting God off. We need to turn this Junior High Dance Pose into a full on Embrace!

So this week, after much debate with myself, the snooze button, and the cozy spot next to my husband, I got out of bed, before anyone else and spent some time in the quiet with God...and let me tell you...our make-up was glorious! I felt led to read this verse in 1Timothy 1:5...

"The whole point of what we're urging is simply love—love uncontaminated by self-interest and counterfeit faith, a life open to God. Those who fail to keep to this point soon wander off into cul-de-sacs of gossip. They set themselves up as experts on religious issues, but haven't the remotest idea of what they're holding forth with such imposing eloquence. "

Sometimes I feel like I have had this counterfeit faith...I have been listening to the gossip (wantering into the cul-de-sacs of...)and lies of my human nature and not LOVING. Think about a Cul-De-Sac...It's one big circle until you find your way out again...

1 John also talks about "Perfect love drives out fear". The lies my heart believed were all based on the fear of them being true, but when I love perfectly, fear goes away. When I love certain situations in life I am faced with, even though I don't necessarily like them, they become less of a hurdle and more of a lesson to learn.

I have a responsbility to my heart and soul to feed it spiritually. Climbing out of my spiritual anorexia has kicked off to a great start...and I can't get enough...