"Oh You Can't Get To Heaven..."

If you grew up in a Christian home, went to church (and sunday school and wednesday night service and church camp and...) on a regular basis, you probably have heard this little diddy...

" Oh you can't get to heaven...in a Mini Skirt....Oh you cant get to Heaaaaaven....in a Mini Skir-ir-rt..." The tag line for why, you, oh mini-skirted one, can't get to heaven, is because "God Don't Want No Little FLIRT"....then it proceeds (rather contradictally) "All my sins are washed away, I've been redeemed...."

While a blast to sing along with around a campfire...the lyrics are kind of terrible, because the truth is...God does want you...all you little flirts in mini skirts, all you little snots in Kleenex boxes...God wants YOU. God LOVES YOU. and at this very moment, He is passionately pursuing YOU. (Let that sink in for a moment)

There's a huge misconception about church and having a relationship with God that says you have to be perfect before you can darken his doors...you have to clean up, spit-shine, comb your hair and yes, while those are all good things (in fact, the guy in the pew next to you would probably prefer it if you came to church showered...)those are not, in any way requirements to receive the love of God. The unconditional, overwhelming, intrinsically pure love of God. God wants you, the broken hearted, the worthless feeling, the attitudes-seeking-adjustment, the chips on your shoulders, the messed up, the cheaters and liars...He wants you, and wants to love on you with all He is...

Then He gives you the choice to fall back in love with him...and that is where the change comes in. You realize that He wants good things in life for you, because of His love for you...and that the choices you make, out of love (or sometimes hate) for yourself, are worthless, because you now want to please the God you love. You realize the modesty is worth it, the change is for the better, the life is more rich without the bottle in it...

So you, with that mini skirt, don't listen to some silly song about what God doesn't want...just focus on that last line...when you seek the grace in the gift of Jesus and his sacrefice for your sins, they are all washed away and redeemed...We'll talk about that little modesty issue later...just get in here and get loved.

The Weight We Carry

I have recently embarked on a fabulous (and altogether frightening) journey to get myself healthy. Recently with some dedication (and the world's greatest accountability team, you know who you are-love you lots!) I have seen the success of losing my first 8 pounds...and it feels great. Feels freeing...like I could run a marathon now...(which I can't...but I will!) it's such exhilaration. One comparison that people do within the weight loss and nutrition communities is they compare the weight they were carrying to various objects in life. My current loss is about the size of a sack of potatoes or a newborn baby...I just lost a sack of potatoes...And my brain has a momentary euphoria where I also think, "Wow, potatoes seem really heavy! What a relief to not carry them around anymore!"

Spiritually, I think we do this to ourselves as well. There are weights that we all carry on a daily basis, not even realizing how much they bring us down. Money...sickness...family and marriage drama...relationships torn...world issues...inner demons and battles within ourselves....How exhausting they are to our soul to exert on a daily basis. We just get used to carrying them, not realizing the damage they do to our soul, much like the damage being overweight does to a body. We carry them because they are comfortable, they are familiar, and it seems easier to do nothing than to do something.

I want to encourage you today to lose some weight. Whatever you have weighing on your heart, your mind, your soul, give it up...let it go...put it in the hands that are bigger than your own, because HIS hands were meant to carry it...not ours. The freedom will be exhilarating and you will be amazed at the things you can do for Christ that your "weight" held you back from before.

What is "weighing" you down?

You Never Forget The Road Home...

This one has been brewing in me for a few days, but I had to gather the words to get it out right...This past weekend, I experienced a bittersweet reunion of some of the best friendships in my life, as we gathered to celebrate the life of our mentor, Paul.

Paul was the kind of man who could make you feel like you were the only person in the room, that when you asked for a minute, he gave you thirty...you could laugh hysterically or cry unashamedly in his office, no matter how much of a "grown up" you assumed yourself to be. Paul was a great man of truth, love and integrity...so, it went as no suprise that 40+ of Paul's "kids" whom he had impacted over the years took a screeching halt to their lives and journeyed "Home" for Paul's memorial, and to honor him by lifting their voices to the Lord he loved and served wholeheartedly.

It was the kind of weekend Paul would have loved. Filled with laughter, hugs, and inside jokes that could be resurrected 6 years later and STILL be funny. Some of us have grown older, lost and gained weight, lost and gained spouses, lost hair, gained child (ren)? Some friendships, that were beautiful in college, have simply aged like a fine wine, growing sweeter, deeper and more robust over time. It was the kind of reunion that was healing for the soul...

Reunions always scare people...they sit in the parking lot, fidgeting with this shirt that they are pretending they didnt just buy for the occasion, that stray hair, that smudge of eyeliner...worried about what people will think...that was not the case. I can say I proudly sped all the way to get there, and when I got there, it was like 6 years had never happened...Each hug, each welcoming and open set of arms held me just a little longer, and with each hug, I felt more and more healing renewal enter my soul.

We waste so much time in our adult lives, attached to work, email, and rushing. We fight and struggle so hard to pay those bills and make something of ourselves, that we push to the side who we were. What we used to be. What really used to matter...Our core selves, a broken and haggard compilation of who we really want to be, when we are free to be. Sometimes, you just need to give your soul moments of healing and rebuilding.

I remember when I left for college, my mother hugged me and said "This will always be your home, but I know it will never be home again." It confused me for the longest time, until I had the chance to go "Home" this weekend, and be embraced by the friends, mentors and family who had helped to shape me to who I was and who I need to remember to be.

Sometimes you need to go Home to get back to yourself again...

Heal Me: Interactive Worship

Have you ever had one of those Sundays (and come on, you all know you have) when you catch yourself just "phoning it in" during church? I busted myself on this a few weeks ago during worship.

Everyone has their own worship styles...my mom, for example, is a hands-up kinda girl...dad, on the other hand, wants to makes sure he blesses anyone in a 10 foot radius with his voice, because that's just how he is...My husband varies...there's days when, for him, it's deep and personal and he keeps both hands clenched in fists close to his heart. There's other days where his Penecostal is showing, and you had better watch out, 'cause he's a mover! I think for me, I vary as well...sometimes I would be a "jumper/dancer" and can't be still (maybe some of that husbandly influence!) Other times, I am more of a reflecter...I literally stop singing and just read the words, taking them in and making them my prayer...

And yet, on this particular Sunday, for some reason, I was a million miles away. Maybe it was thoughts of some stress at work, or maybe it was some sleepyness still lingering, but whatever the reason, I found my soul shaking myself awake, and screaming "Do you even know what you are singing?! Or are you just repeating words on the screen?!"

After the thorough butt kicking that myself gave to...um,..myself, I zoned in on the lyrics of the song the band was presenting. We were singing one of my favorite songs and yet I wasn't connecting to it. There was a particular lyric that is repeated in this song: "Heal Me..." and it struck me... how many times have I sung this and it has been nothing more than a pretty tune? And how sad that is, when there are people crying for healing all around us? There are people, in our very own church, struggling with various diseases, like the monstrosity that is cancer. There are others dealing with wounds in their marriages, scars of past mistakes that keep reopening...maybe for others they are suffering from a temptation they do not want to give in to, and yet find themselves locked into every time...It made me think, what are the healing prayers of those around me? The lady two rows in front of me, what is her healing prayer? the guy three rows back, who snuck in when nobody was watching...what does he need healing from...What is driving their passion to sing "heal me" with tears on their faces and hands reaching up, prayers of desperation on their lips...and it caused me to pray...it drove me to pray for those around me whose prayers of "Heal me" are so much more desperate than my own. It caused me to wake up and realize that these words aren't just words, but cries from one soul to the ears of the Father...it drove me to remember that worship is not one sided, but interactive...

Worship, in a sense, means to give praise to one that is worthy, but there is also a response...a stirring, from the heart of the Father to the ones who give the praise...and if we find ourselves phoning it in, we may just miss the true message He wants us to see...

Make your worship interactive...

Fast Food Jesus

Have you ever wondered what Christianity would be like if we could get our Jesus at a drive through? " yeah, um...i'll take the Trinity combo number one...light on the Holy Spirit though, I don't want to feel that guilt for the rest of the day..." " Does the kids meal still come with one of the twelve disciples? Im really trying to collect them all and Peter always seems to be out of stock!" " Today has been rough...can I get the BIGGIE size Jesus?" Doesn't sound quite right, does it? And yet, this is how we try to create a foundation for our Christian faith. We take Jesus in convenience sized portions, when it works for us, and rush ourselves through the motions, never stopping to enjoy Him and truly take him in. Think about eating your take out in the car...it's a rush, it's a balance, and if you're like me, you end up with hiccups, and lets face it, you really didn't taste a thing while you hoovered it in. Some of us do that with our time with God. We head off to work, turn the car into the "Rolling Confessional" with some Casting Crowns in the background, but are we really honoring God with that bracket of time we give Him, inbetween driving, pretending we aren't texting while we drive and making it to work. Yup, sounds like a quality Jesus meal to me. Do you even remember what He spoke to your heart? Did you even hear it? Life is crazy, no one can deny that. As we get older and the generation of multi-tasking becomes more and more prevalent, we try to multi-task the most intimate of relationships. But that, is not, in it's true beauty, how God wanted our relationship with him to be. Think about the last time you really enjoyed a meal with your family. You sat down, smelled the food, saw it all laid out before you, took your time with the bites and portions, maybe even came back for seconds and after all the coffee and conversation was over, someone brought out PIE! You laughed, you maybe even cried, or cried while you laughed, but those precious moments lock in your mind as memories of a treasured experience. That's how it should be. God wants us to sit with Him, take in all he has for us, get excited about what's to come, and when it has passed, grab a cup of coffee (if that's your thing) and talk about how amazing this time with Him has been. He wants us to give Him those moments, not because He is selfish, but because when we take time to really breathe Him in, He in turn gets to pour out His goodness for us, His plans for us and get us pumped about His future (PIE!!) to come. Take a breath and have some Selah with your Father...Calm your heart and get excited for the things He has in store for you. ...and there might even be "Pie"...

Spiritual Anorexia and the Junior High Dance

Weird Title I know...but it got you in, right? =)

God and I have been doing a weird dance around each other lately. It's almost like a junior high dance where He has courageously asked me to dance with Him and Im afraid to touch him, so there we stand, in the middle of the gymnasium of life, me keeping Him at an arms length distance.

I have this strange churning in my soul every week at church...it's called, Pick Up Your Bible and Read it...(or, more appropriately, dig your bible out of your husband's trunk, because it's there for who knows why, and crack it open!) Every sunday, I sit in the service, I get moved by the worship, I sing my heart out (hopefully to the blessing and not curse of those around me) and feel refueled by what our Pastor has to say. Every week I think, "Yup! This is gonna be the week! Im gonna get up early, me, God and some coffee, and take time with Him every day..." And where do you think I am next week? In the same emotional spot I left behind. And it's not like He hasn't tried. He whispers to me through relationships, He shows himself in random scriptures I come across in Facebook and on blogs, and yet, here I am, snubbing Him, because there's always something else I am doing.

The situation reminds me of my son and his current eating patterns. (i know what you're thinking...keep reading =) It'll make sense)..moving on from baby and toddler foods and trying to enter the world of deliciousness, this has not been easy. Here we are, as his parents, offering him delicious morsels of food...and yet he snubs them...he pokes at them, plays with them, makes towers (of hot dogs) out of them, feeds them to the cat(no, kitty cannot eat your Spaghetti O's...)...Our new resolution has been, when he is hungry enough he will eat, and we will be sure it's the good stuff...but then, oh then, the moment of glory where he actually tries something and *gasp* realizes it's amazing...this moment of clarity and happiness gushes out of him. Like he's renewed by having it for the first time and now, suddenly, I have got to stock up, because He can't get enough of this new flavor!

The Bible tells us that there are moments between our soul and God when our soul will actually defy us and cry out to him...like they are having a conversation on our heart's behalf...I think I actually got to eavsdrop on that this week....With resounding clarity, I remember my mind looking up and shouting (inwardly) I am STARVING!! The thoughts that fill my head, the lies it has chosen to listen to, the hurtful things that have filled up the voided crevaces where God used to fill them, ...this is the Starvation of my soul taken to the point of insanity...Literally, my heart has reached the point of starvation in putting God off. We need to turn this Junior High Dance Pose into a full on Embrace!

So this week, after much debate with myself, the snooze button, and the cozy spot next to my husband, I got out of bed, before anyone else and spent some time in the quiet with God...and let me tell you...our make-up was glorious! I felt led to read this verse in 1Timothy 1:5...

"The whole point of what we're urging is simply love—love uncontaminated by self-interest and counterfeit faith, a life open to God. Those who fail to keep to this point soon wander off into cul-de-sacs of gossip. They set themselves up as experts on religious issues, but haven't the remotest idea of what they're holding forth with such imposing eloquence. "

Sometimes I feel like I have had this counterfeit faith...I have been listening to the gossip (wantering into the cul-de-sacs of...)and lies of my human nature and not LOVING. Think about a Cul-De-Sac...It's one big circle until you find your way out again...

1 John also talks about "Perfect love drives out fear". The lies my heart believed were all based on the fear of them being true, but when I love perfectly, fear goes away. When I love certain situations in life I am faced with, even though I don't necessarily like them, they become less of a hurdle and more of a lesson to learn.

I have a responsbility to my heart and soul to feed it spiritually. Climbing out of my spiritual anorexia has kicked off to a great start...and I can't get enough...

The Misunderstood 2's...

As a parent, I kind of like to feel like I have some kind of a routine with my son....like we have an understanding of one another and we can communicate. I like to think that...but sometimes, that's just not the case...

We all know the phrases and the scenarios...Toddler turns from loving, amazing, snuggly self-entertaining joy of life to screaming, throwing, crying monster. Everyone looks at toddlers with knowing glances and says the same terrible phrase..."Oh, He must just be hitting those terrible two's!" (I relate this to when a woman loses her temper and those who don't understand, a.k.a. usually guys, use the phrase, "Oh, she's just PMS-ing...") But really, can EVERY child be "terrible?" Sometimes, yes, but sometimes, I think they are just misunderstood.

Picture with me, for a moment, this scenario. You are in a foreign country. You've been there for a while, so you generally feel happy and comfortable, but you are still getting down the language. For the most part, you can get around, carry on conversations and make do, while building those relationships. But a few times a day you experience "the frustration..." You know, when you are intellectually trying to explain a situation and nobody around you gets it? You know what you're saying, they know what they "think" you are saying, but really nobody understands what you are trying to say...now, wouldn't that be frustrating?

Sometimes I think my son and I go through this circle. He is clearly a very intuitive and smart little guy, but sometimes when trying to express himself, he just plain get's frustrated that Mommy doesn't know what the "boo ogert"( blue yogurt??) one is or where "moo cow" went. He doesn't understand that when we get home late at night sometimes, that he has to put on his jammies, because it's bedtime, when usually we get to play with choo choo, have a snack and watch a little Spidey. He knows that the boogies in his nose bother him, but can't seem to get them out, but he really doesn't like it when Daddy has to get them....So what's a toddler to do? Have a mini-meltdown, of course.

As parents, my husband and I try very hard to teach our son the difference between right and wrong, but it's also important to know that it's not what you say, it's how you say it...and how you understand it. So, maybe the so-called "Terrible 2's" are not in themselves always terrible, but mostly misunderstood. I know there are times when my son can be deliberately disobediant, but more often than not, I think he's trying the boundaries of communication. It takes us as parents, having the maturity to look around the situation, around the tears and angry words of toddler frustration to see what the real problem is. It is our job to bring them to that spot of calm and encourage them to use their words...and when they can't find the right words, help them to discover them.

Sometimes in parenting, we don't just parent them, we parent ourselves...

'Tis the Season?

If you have ever worked in the retail or customer service industry, as I have for most of my illustrious career, you know that the brief period in time known as the holiday season (generally Black Friday through New Years, although more people are just beginning November 1st these days) is the most grueling and potentially evil of all...

A phrase I hear repeatedly around me, whether in stores, in the office, on the phones or whatever is "Well, 'Tis the Season!" generally followed or preceeded by whatever bad, sarcastic, mean, hurtful or unfortunate thing that just happened. Oh, you got cussed out by a customer? Well, 'Tis the Season!...You're locked in a gridlock battle over a Rock Star parking spot at Costco? Shoo...'Tis the Season! Everyone walking around in a generally nasty mood because they feel overworked, or are focused on everything they HAVE to get done to celebrate Christmas? 'Tis the Season! You're grumbling and complaining because you think you are forced to pretend to like your family? Tis the Season!

And I think Jesus cries...

Have you ever gotten something for your birthday, or Christmas, or any holiday celebrating your "You-ness" that was totally not what you wanted? You left up websites, printed out coupons and left them under your spouse's keys, dropped subtle-yet-obvious hints like bombs over Nagasaki and yet, you still end up with something that is not quite you at all? Sometimes I think this is how Christ feels at Christmas...

This is the holiday that, for many of us, we choose to celebrate the birth of our Savior, to share in the spirit of peace and goodwill, to remember the little things, and the value of love and family and yet, we use it as our excuse for ridiculously bad behavior, for which, let's face it, we would give ourselves a "time out" for. We excuse our actions and the actions of those around us because "Tis the Season!" Well, let me shout it from the rooftops...TIS NOT THE SEASON!

Let's think back to the first Christmas, shall we? This Christmas was not adorned with presents, HDTV's, dinnerware from Lenox, and decorated trees. This Christmas was not perfect, with fruitcake and namecards, and "Leg Lamps" and gimme, gimme, gimme... This Christmas was a much simpler affair...a much "messier" affair. The birth of Christ was probably the most messy situation of all. Let's take an unmarried girl telling her betrothed that she was "knocked up, spiritually speaking", and that he not only had to accept it, but lead and guide them both. Then at 9 months pregnant (which is no fun!) they have to take their first family vacation, only to find there is no place to stay. This is the opportune, imperfect moment that the baby decides to enter our imperfect world. And yet, it became perfect, because HE was in the middle of it. This season was about salvation coming to the world and feelings of overwhelming, live changing, mindblowing gratitude that left us so speechless that only Angels could sing it and Shepherds could kneel. This story was not left in scripture simply as a "warm fuzzy"moment...Jesus was guiding us to his perfect celebration!

Tis the Season...it's true. But don't let your quests for perfection and stuff and the comparison games ( aka "her mountain of presents is waaay bigger than mine!!" **stomp, stomp...pout**) get in the way of your celebration and love. Tis the Season for peace, giving, forgiveness, patience, kindness, compassion and love....Tis the Season, because He is in it.

Merry Christmas!

Lessons Learned From the Church Bathroom...

If you've been reading this blog for a long time, you'll know that I'm in, as artists say, my dark period. There are just things going on between me and God that I have been struggling with for a few months recently. Not sure where they came from, but nevertheless, their ugly heads have been raised and so, I write, as God continues to teach me lessons and work in my heart, fighting this raging battle within myself on what seems to be a daily basis...

First things first...for this entry to make sense, I have to tell you...I love my church. No, seriously, out of any church experience, I have ever, ever had in my life...4 Corners Community Church here in West Chester (www.4cornerschurch.com) has been life changing for myself and my husband, as well as our extended families...Now that you know that, I dive back into my entry...

On this particularly blustery, snowy morning, my husband and I were headed to church. We were headed on the freeway at 7-ish a.m. because we had been asked to do a duet with each other as a holiday special for church. It was at this point in our journey where the wiper blades became caked with ice, snow, and all other maladies, making it difficult for Hubs to know where he was going...we're talking visibility at zero here... with a car full of people and frustration mounting, we were able to veer off road at the nearest exit. The windshield wipers then decided to get stuck in their current postition. What was meant to be a "gentle tap?" ended up being an angry hand smacking the wiper switch down as my poor husband had finally lost his temper with the situation. What happens next can only be described as misfortune of sitcom proportions...Not only does the entire windshield wiper switch break off from my husband's short lived temper tantrum, but also the washer fluid decides to spray in a fountain all over the windshield, getting stuck in the on postion.

We pull into church, fluid spraying motor still running, frustrated, but also trying to focus on what we have been asked to do for our congregation and friends. The more I think about it, the more I started to feel like God has just allowed life to dump on us again (expletaves removed, but you get the idea of how upset I was). We keep finding ourselves in this pit, and all the little things adding up. Now on top of other "busted" things in life, we have a busted car, with no clue at this point a) how to fix said problem, and b) how much said problem will cost. Are we looking at under 100? 200? or something much, much greater.

I have to be honest here, at the early point of day, all of this exploded inside of me and I found myself rushing to the ladies room at our church to basically hold back the tears of anger and frustration I was feeling. I kept asking myself, why us? Why does the crap always happen to us and always at the worst times?! We had just dumped a lot of money the other day into putting on our son's 2nd birthday party. Why couldn't this have happened before we had spent that much?

As I got a cold, wet paper towel and tried to save face (literally, my "face" was running down my face), I looked around the church bathroom. I could see tiny cracks in the walls, little fractures, places where paint needed to be repaired. I knew there were other places needing repair within our church itself. But I stopped and thought about all of the wonderful things God had done through this broken building...the things He had brought into my life...the relationships and ( I love to say) amazing friendships he has built into us as a result of being able to meet together in this broken building...the moments of worship that had stirred me to the core, the messages our Pastor had brought that had changed lives...the inspiration to join together to build wells and orphanages and serve the community here nearby...If God can use a broken building for his good in our lives and the lives of so many, surely the things that are "busted" in my eyes and in my life are not without benefit?

I came out of the bathroom with a fresh set of eyes...yes, this ordeal was going to suck...big time. But, I knew my husband probably was already feeling a million times worse than I was, because he knew he could have prevented it. He needed my support and love, not my anger, frustration and nagging...

We got out there and performed. We did our best, all things considered. Maybe our duet wasn't perfect either, as the fractures in our car had left a few fractures in our minds...but my new perspective reminded me that life doesn't always have to be perfect to still be good.

I think Im going to hold onto that broken car piece as a little reminder. What areas of life seem "broken" or "busted" for you? How have they been or can they used by God in awesome ways?

Pray For Kate

As parents, I feel like my husband and I have been relatively lucky. God has blessed us with a pretty cool kid who, outside of some typical boy bumps, scrapes and bruises, very rarely gets sick. Sometimes I find myself taking it for granted, until it comes to light. When the Pediatrician says, "Wait, outside of that one time, you've only had to see me for well visits? WOW!" or when I hear of a co-worker, dealing with appointment after appointment and bill after bill for his sweet little guy, Im reminded that we got it pretty easy.
I stumbled upon a site this week called Pray For Kate ( http://www.prayforkate.com/#/home-page/ ) about a little girl named Kate. She is 5-ish from what I can tell and has been undergoing some extensive chemo treatments. Those of you who have been around adults in chemo know what a trying time that can be for a grown up to wrap their minds around. Think about what this little one is going through. All kinds of treatments and medicines and doctors and a lot of things she doesn't quite understand...
There are 2 things I have taken away from learning about Miss Kate:
1. Her parents are amazing. They have dedicated this battle to the Lord completely. I love the line her mom writes in the story about how "none of this has caught our God offguard". Even though they don't know the end of this story, they are fighting it side by side, with Kate and trusting in God's healing.
2. The second point I have taken away is an overwhelming gratefulness and blessing that washed over me today, after a feeling of incredible shame. Never, in my life as a parent, have I had to pray " Jesus, save my child. Save my baby. Heal my little one so they can live." No, my prayers are more often filled with requests for more. Give my husband a better job, give us a better home in a better neighborhood. Give, Give, Give....I find myself having taken for granted the "easy prayers" I have had to pray, that felt so tough and frustrating at that time. For some reason, its almost like my mind tells me I am entitled to things, instead of viewing them as things God has chosen to bless me with. Sometimes, it's almost like I don't mentally count it as a blessing unless it is a drastic change, a big move, something large and sparkly and expensive in worth in the eyes of man. And yet, there are parents out there , like Kate's, everyday on their knees, asking that God would intervene and save their child. It makes me wish I could take back some of those wasted prayers.
Please understand. It is not wrong to ask the Lord for things you want in your life. He even commands it in scripture that we share that child-like side of ourselves with him, because as our Father, he loves to hear what brings us joy. At the same time, He also wants us to wake up and realize there is so much more going on out there, beyond our self-imposed blinders; the blinders that say "why does this happen only to me?" "Why does everyone else..." and " It's not fair" and a myriad of other lies. Take off the blinders and remember that when you pray, you pray to the God of the universe who can do amazing things!
I encourage you to read Kate's story. I most definately encourage you to remember Kate and her family in your prayers. And if your prayers have been anything like some of mine, I challenge you to do a re-vamp of your conversations with God and instead of "give", insert a few new words like "show me where I can be your hands, lead me to where you need me to go, guide me to ways I can pour out your love" and, most importantly... "thank-you".